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Thursday, 27 March 2014

A bit of Awkwardness on St. Paddys Day!!

No doubt half the country is still recovering from that hectic weekend, no more so than myself, well have a read of this short story, I’m sure its happened to you all at some stage in one way or another.. AWKWARD!!

Last Monday, as you know was Paddy’s day, the greatest session known to man, well I went out Sunday night and did the dog on it, woke up hanging Monday morning and only had one thing ...on my mind ‘da cure’.

So I headed down to one of the pubs in Ashbourne, it was wedged after the local parade, I was sculling pints and singing songs ta beat the band, craic was mighty!!

Anyways, at one stage I went out to the smoking area with the lads to have a fag, now I’m not a smoker but I said I’d have one, I dunno about you, but when you don’t smoke regularly and chance one with a few pints on ya, it blows the absolute facking head off ya, especially when the cigarette you manage to bum, was none other than the dreaded ‘Major’, ya may as well be throwing your lips around the exhaust of a tractor as to smoke one of them yokes ,it’s like inhaling a bonfire with every drag!

After taking a few hefty pulls , I went straight back inside, goosed and extremely light-headed from the nicotine buzz. I spotted this woman at the bar who had her back to me, I was convinced it was my mother, as she was wearing the same top, So I waddled over, not thinking, big smiley stupid drunken head on me, mad for the craic and grabbed her arm “Mon ma, we have a dance, Yeoww ya boya”!!

She turned around, and made eye contact with me, sure jaysus it wasn’t my ma at all, I quickly released her arm, “God, I’m so sorry I thought you were my mother, I do apologise”, she wasn’t too quick to say “ahh its grand”.. as you do during an awkward moment like that! Well To make the situation 10 times worse, wasn’t she a foreign woman that, god love her, hadn’t a sniff of English, she just gave me a look of death. Stuck her nose up to the above ceiling, turned her back and continued to drink her black coffee.

I bowed the head in shame and quickly darted into the jax, looked straight ahead of me and began to call myself “an absolute fucking gobshite” into the mirror!!

I won’t be bumming another ‘green major’ cigarette anytime soon; ya may as well be smoking heroin!

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