“Every young lad’s nightmare”

One rotten dirty January evening I came in from work bolloxed tired. It was a Tuesday evening and like most Tuesdays evenings, I had to give Mammy’s spuds a miss as I was in a rush to head out to training.

I dragged my heavy hole upstairs to rob a pair of socks on the father. I sat back down on my auld pair’s bed, struggling to get the socks up over my kangaroo feet. Then something caught my eye, My bottom jaw dropped with the shock. Wasn't there a brand spanking shiny new copy of ‘50 SHADES OF GREY’ on her bedside locker looking up, almost sneering at me.

“Ahhhh jesus nooo Maaaa!”

I threw on the other sock and headed down stairs like a bull to confront her,

“Ma, where did you get that book on your locker from!!?” says I.

“A friend, why…?” says she

“Who Ma, tell me!?” says I.

“Peggy Smyth, why is it any use!??” says she.

“Peggy Smyth?? Well I’ll tell you here and now, you are not to be hanging around with Peggy anymore. You hear me?! She’s a bad influence on ya!”

I grabbed my bag and marched towards the porch to head to training, On the way I gave the sitting room door (where the auld man was relaxing supping tae and skulling jaffa cakes) a quick knock.

I looked him square in the eye..

“I seen the book Da and I’m telling you, there’d better be no carrying on out of ye pair while I’m at training ya hear!”

The ould divil.